Reading Posters Worthy of Mockery: The Jonas Brothers

I received an email this morning announcing in the subject line that "The Jonas Brothers Are Here!!!!!OMG!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  

Okay, I'll admit it.  I added the exclamation points and OMG YAY! above.  But the sentiment was there and I found that I had to open the email IMMEDIATELY, knowing that my life would never be the same.  So, I hope you don't mind that I put the poster right at the top.  I didn't really give you the time to prepare yourself for the sight of teenage heartthrobs holding books.  I hope you didn't have a heart attack.  Still alive?

The ALA website tells me that they're reading Words from the Wise, The Alchemyst and A Wrinkle in Time.  To which I respond "Yay for quotes, fantasy and sci-fi!  Joy!"  And then I mumble that I haven't read two of those books, which limits my ability to mock.  I can say that choosing a classic such as A Wrinkle in Time written by a Christian author as a selection does not surprise me given the image the Jonas Brothers try to have in the media.

While I will admit that I have seen Camp Rock, all that my brain can actually seem to remember about the brothers is that one is named Joe (don't ask me which one) and that they're virgins.  Thank you pop culture, for making those facts take up space in my brain.

I suppose you are witnessing my transition from "a cool young thing" who knows all about popular culture into a fuddy-duddy who squints as she tries to decipher "kids today".  Clearly, I need to pick up The Alchemyst and find my way to immortality.  I think that's about the only thing that can save me now.

Reading Posters Worthy of Mockery: Denzel Washington

He looks so happy!  I've seen many of Denzel's movies, but rarely seen such a nice smile from him.  Could that be the power of the great Dr. Seuss to cause such joy?

Perhaps it's because Denzel has set a record:  First grown man to enjoy reading Dr. Seuss from the comfort of an leather arm chair while wearing a suit and tie.  All that he's missing is a crackling fire and a pipe.  Maybe a glass of wine in one hand too.  Or would that be overkill?  I bet Dr. Seuss's writing would be especially fun for an adult who has had a glass of wine or two.

I'm sure Dr. Seuss would appreciate the gesture of dressing so nicely to read about refusing to eat green food--green food that has no business being green unless you're looking forward to dying from food poisoning.  (I know I would be.  Except I don't eat ham.  Damn, it feels good to be a vegetarian.)

Reading Posters Worthy of Mockery: Ewan McGregor

So, forever ago I began a new post about the ALA posters. I made one post of my love interest Alan Rickman. And never posted again. 

Until now.

Let us turn to another favorite love interest, our dear Ewie.  Let us consider this image of him made to help support the movie Miss Potter.  And  let us also prepare ourselves for a standardized test of some sort and learn whether or not we have the discerning mental tools of a five-year-old.

Which of the following does not belong:

A) A tough and scruffy shadow of a beard

B)  A cool leather jacket with the collar turned up

C)  Sexy tousled hair

D)  A thick collection of early-twentieth century stories about cute little bunnies.

Me thinks someone may have been a little afraid of damaging their motorcycle-riding, bad boy image.

His hair gel would never hold up against a motorcycle helmet.

Everyone knows Peter Rabbit was the ultimate bad boy.  Boy toy broke the rules all the time.

An Important Announcement: Reading Posters Worthy of Mockery

Excuse the lack of posting. It was due entirely to the excitement involved in preparing for a new section being added to this blog. Right.

On to the announcement:

Since joining the ALA, I have been receiving 'ala graphics' a catalog of posters and bookmarks for libraries to get kids interested in reading. I love getting these catalogs. The celebrity posters are so very mockable. And so one day, I had a thought. "Chele," I thought. "Woah, who are you?" I replied. "Brain," I thought. "Where have you been?" I asked. After a while of this my brain finally got to the point. "Why not share some of the particularly noteworthy Celebrity Read Posters on your blog." "Kay," I replied, not bothering to ask why. Brain has proven to be the sometimes-smarter one of the two of us.

So, I present to you, few but dear readers, the first ever...

READING POSTER WORTHY OF MOCKERY

We will start with an actor whom I love dearly (to demonstrate that all who pose may end up mocked):

Oh, Alan Rickman, how you look as though you just might be in pain.  How it looks as though you just might be swearing that you'll kill the camera person if he or she does not finish soon.  Or perhaps it is The Catcher in the Rye that has induced the trauma.  Sadistic literature teacher's have been using the book to make students cry for decades.

But then, perhaps I am wrong.  Perhaps the slight upturn of the left side of your mouth is not a twitch of suffering passed off as amusement.  Perhaps it is a demonstration of your acting ability to channel the angsty king of angst, Holden Caulfield.  Perhaps you are trying not to laugh at one of angsty Holden's many angsty antics.  Which part are you at, Alan?  Has Holden been expelled?  Has he checked into the hotel?  Befriended a prostitute?  Inquiring readers want to know.  But some of us may be able to content ourselves with you reading aloud a page or so.  Maybe you could read the page where Holden gets beaten by the prostitute's pimp.  I know that part always bring's a tear to my left eye just as it has brought a slight smirk to dear Alan's left side of his mouth.

Love the actor.  Hate the book.  'Ehh' the poster.  What are your thoughts?