Thursday, September 9, 2010

Literary Feast Discussion: I Am Number Four (Chapters 16-21)

Good afternoon, Few But Dear Readers!

I'd like to take this moment to remind you of how brave, amazing and committed Monica and I are to the cause of tearing apart badly written first books in YA series.

We actually have to suffer through reading this shiz so you don't have to.  No, you all just have to suffer through the movie...but more about that in the commentary below:

Shel: So, I finally bothered to google the series. it's already listed on imbd as having a movie version. And guess who's playing my FAVE character: Dianna Agron. That's right peeps, Quinn from Glee. Which I guess is perfect casting. I mean, she's pretty, blonde, and she already has practice playing a high schooler from Ohio.

Monica: Boo! BOO! Pittacus Lore, I'm ashamed of you! This is so obviously a promotional book made solely to milk teenagers of their money and create a spin-off film series! You don't even have the decency to put your real name on this novel!!

Shel:  You mean this series isn't actually being written by the leader/ruler/president-like man of Lorien Land Planet Place?!  My illusion is shattered!

Shel: The website is also rather built up as well. Not that I read most of it. Mostly, I clicked on the link by chance and was all "holy shiz! the YA alien counting book has attacked the internets!"

Monica: Wow. Seriously, allow me to echo my above comment -- could this get any more "I wrote this solely to make tons of cash"-ish? That is not the website of a book -- that's the website of a gigantic advertisement.

Shel: Sam pulls a gun on John?! WTF! Really? Really?!

Monica: To be fair, Henri pulls a gun on some poor dude tied to a pole....Plus, I love me some Sam. Anyone who brings Silly Putty just to "be prepared" is okay in my book.

Shel: I bet you 20 cents that silly puddy will kill all Mogodo-whatsits on sight. Silly puddy is the key! It's the rifle resting above the fireplace, just begging to be used.

Monica: It's better than most of the other ways we defeat aliens. (Let's give them the common cold, anyone?)

Shel: Colds are vicious, for the win!  I love Independence Day.  Who puts and/or keeps bacon in his backpack? *Glances at Monica* Is this something many meateaters feel driven to do?

Monica: Duh! You can buy it pre-cooked, in a sealed can, for all bacon emergencies. Besides, everyone knows Mogodorians hate the delicious flesh of pigs.

Shel: Chapter 18 (the Thanksgiving meal) is way too tell-y! Dialogue! Show me!

Monica: Sweetie, were you not reading the text? "Dinner takes forever. Time is moving slowly again." You're supposed to feel like it's a chapter that will NEVER END. It's on purpose!

Shel: Wow, these alien conspiracy writers are violent. The Lone Gunman from X-Files would shame them.

Monica: Seriously, who knew people living in dark basements would be so antagonistic? Even all messed up by the Mogodorians, they seem unnecessarily cruel. And.. again, guns. Guns everywhere.

Shel: Hmm, bullets suspended in mid-air. In how many movies and TV shows have I seen that happen?

Monica: The Matrix... Superman... Heroes... um... Korn's Freak on a Leash video... the soon-to-be-released I Am Number Four....

Shel: These Mogado-whatsits kind of remind me of the Nordic aliens from Dude Where's My Car? Monica, would you like to join me in singing a round of "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night"?

Monica: You got it made with the guy in shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaades!

Shel: Abuse of power! Abuse of power! I am not okay with John bullying Henri.

Monica: I'm not okay with any of this. Readers, are YOU enjoying this book? Because I'm starting to feel like my Legacy is being able to sense trashy writing by the way my eyes start to burn....

So, Monica and I want to get finish up this book as fast as possible to save our eyes and souls from as much pain as possible.  We're going to continue our discussion with chapters 22-28 on Monday.  We hope you'll be ready for some more mockery then.

As always, let us know what you're thinking.  We are not internets mind readers.

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