Saturday, June 19, 2010

Rick Riordan Scholar

Okay, so what I'm going to type a statement in a moment that will seem vaguely mean.  Know that I intend the following statement in the best way possible.  And I'll explain my reasoning for stating it in a moment.

Dear Rick Riordan, please stop writing so much.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians Hardcover Boxed Set (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)You see, Riordan's Percy Jackson series is a central component to my dissertation (Dudley--he's a growing boy.  Currently with rough versions of three chapters).  I was very excited after the fifth book of Percy Jackson book was published.  It put a cap on a beautifully imagined and constructed series that also worked beautifully into Dudley's chapter on myth and nationalism.

I even drew upon the first book of the 39 clues to help make my points in that chapter, since Riordan authored it and came up with the concept for the series.

Yay for that.  All was well in the world of Dudley.

Then....THEN, dear readers.  I heard that there would be a new Percy Jackson related, Heroes of Olympus series.  And my first reaction was NOOOOOOOOOOO!

You see, I'd already had to read six books by Riordan to write a portion of Dudley.  Now I'd have to allude to more books, but not be able to read the whole series, thus dating Dudley.  Dudley is young.  He shouldn't be old before his time.  That doesn't seem fun.

Bah humbug, Rick Riordan.

The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles, Book 1)Then, Riordan started ANOTHER series.  The Red Pyramid.  (I am reading the first book now, thus this rant.)


You see, dear reader, I don't want to be the first official Rick Riordan scholar.

Mainly because I can never remember how he pronounces his last name.  You can't be an official scholar on one person when you constantly mispronounce his name.  That seems like it would make my life ridiculous.  More ridiculous.

I always want to pronounce his last name as Roar-din.  I've heard other people pronounce it that way and all was well.  Then last year, a book seller burst my bubble when speaking about the 39 clues series.  She addressed all the assembled 10-year-olds and me, informing us that the 'i' was somehow emphasized.  She then said his name in some way that my brain has blocked and can't repeat.

So, after that I started pronouncing his last name like R-I-ooorden.  But I still felt like I wasn't getting it right.  Like that initial combination of vowels was somehow more complicated.

I'm also heard him say his own name in videos.  Like the start of this introduction to the 39 clues:

What?  What was that?  My brain does not understand.  Riiiiyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaadan?  Is that right?  Closer at least?

I suppose I could watch and re-watch and RE-WATCH this video again and again trying to get the pronunciation to stick in my head.  But I've already had to read several thousand pages because of this man.  Doesn't it seem like overkill that he now has caused me to spend hours watching the first thirty seconds of a youtube video?

So, Rick Riordan, please stop writing.  About myth.  You're more than welcome to start a series about constipated fluffy bunnies who are battling alien carrots who, in turn, only want to find the love of a good lettuce leaf.

I promise I'd read it.  Eventually.  After Dudley is finished.  Just, please, oh please, stop writing more stuff on myth that I am duty-bound to feed to Dudley.  Dudley will be fat and I will be crushed under him.  And never graduate.  Is that what you want Rick Riordan?  Is that what you want?!

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