REVIEW: Of Poseidon

Banks, A.  (2012).  Of Poseidon.  New York:  Feiwel and Friends.


324 pages.




Appetizer:  Emma meets Galen when she runs into him on a Florida boardwalk during her summer vacation.  Literally, runs into him.  Cheek to chest.  It's rather embarrassing for her.  Her best friend Chloe makes things worse by teasing her.

But what initially seems like a quick and innocent meeting by chance proves to be the gateway to much more.  Emma has the eyes of the Syrena; a species of sea creatures.  But, somehow, she has no knowledge of what she truly is.  Galen is a prince of the Syrena who is on land for an investigation in the hopes of finding a way to unite his people with humanity.

Galen's strange reaction to Emma is complicated by the fact that she and Chloe are attacked by a shark.  As Emma struggles against a bull shark to save her best friend, she fights harder than a human ever could.

Aware that Emma may prove to be essential to all of his goals, Galen decides to stay close to her, establishing a house in New Jersey to learn more about the unusual 18-year-old.

Before starting the book, I was a little wary of reading Of Poseidon.  I can only handle so much angsty paranormal romance and I think I've already gone well beyond that point.  As I started reading the young adult novel, I was initially pleasantly surprised.  (After I got beyond Emma being clumsy though...that reminded me a little too much of Twilight.)  Aside from the clumsiness, the first chapter included a lot of wonderful humor (this was slightly dampened after the shark attack, but the humor bounced back).  So, I was willing to let the book win me over...that is until more clumsiness and damsel in distree behavior emerged.  Emma literally runs into a door and knocks herself unconscious.  Literally.  Are you kidding me?!

Then there's the moment where she attacks someone--literally fights another character throwing someone against a wall, falling through a glass wall, etc.--over a very insensitive comment...it seemed so out of character, I couldn't believe it was actually a part of the plot.  Aaaand the book entered the realm of being too ridiculous for me to lose myself in and truly enjoy.  Banks try to sell some of this off as a quirk of the Syrena, but I just didn't buy it.

Also, since we once again have a love interest who travels across a country, enrolls in school to observe a girl, jokingly considers kidnapping her, senses that their love is biologically necessary, mentions tapping her phones, etc., I had to dust off the old stalker scale:

In the book's defense, Banks does carve out a scene between Emma and her mother in which Emma affirms that she shuns abuse in relationships:

"You two fighting already?"She's fishing, but for what I don't know.  Shrugging seems safe until I can figure out what she wants to hear."Do you fight often?"Shrugging again, I ladle enough oatmeal into my mouth to make talking impossible for at least a minute, which is more than enough time for her to drop it.  It doesn't work.  After the exaggerated minute, I reach for my glass of milk."You know, if he ever hit you--"The glass is mid-tilt, I swallow before the milk can escape through my nose.  "Mom, he would never hit me!""I didn't say he would.""Good, because he wouldn't.  Ever.  What's with you?  Do you have to interrogate me about Galen every time you see me?"This time she shrugs.  "Seems like the right thing to do.  When you have children, you'll understand.""I'm not stupid.  If Galen acts up, I'll either dump him or kill him.  You have my word."Mom laughs and butters my muffin.  "I guess I can't ask for more than that." (pp. 154-155)

I appreciate the effort, but Galen does slap Emma awake thirty pages later after she passes out due to exhaustion (p. 185).  Granted, it could be argued I'm being picky or that the slap probably isn't that hard and could be more of a tap, tap tap, against her cheek...but still, way to send a mixed message there.  Consider choosing words more carefully.


*Vague Spoiler* Then, it got worse.  During a climactic scene, Emma reflects upon her choices, narrating:

"I've turned into "that girl."  Not the one who exchanges her doctorate for some kids and a three-bedroom two-bath, but the other kind.  That girl who exchanges her dignity and chances for happiness for some possessive loser who beats her when she makes eye contact with some random guy working the hot dog stand.Not that Galen beats me, but after his little show, what will people think?  He acted like a lunatic tonight, stalking me to Atlantic City, blowing up my phone, and threatening my date with physical violence.  He made serial-killer eyes, for crying out loud.  That might be acceptable in the watery grave, but by dry-land standards, it's the ingredients for a restraining order." (pp. 291-292)

Having a character acknowledge her $hitty choice is not the same as making a good decision for her own health and future.  *End Vague Spoiler*

Plus, the book ends on a cliff-hanger.  Boo.

I'm back to taking a break from paranormal romance.


Dinner Conversation:

"I smack into him as if shoved from behind.  He doesn't budge, not an inch.  Just holds my shoulders and waits.  Maybe he's waiting for me to find my balance.  Maybe he's waiting for me to gather my pride.  I hope he's got all day.
I hear people passing on the boardwalk and imagine them staring.  Best-case scenario, they think I know this guy, that we're hugging.  Worst-case scenario, they saw me totter like an intoxicated walrus into this complete stranger because I was looking down for a place to park our beach stuff.
 (p. 1)

"The siblings lean on their elbows against the rail, watching the girls they just met peel the T-shirts off their bikinis and wade into the water with the surfboard floating between them.
"She's probably just wearing contacts," Rayna says.  "They make contacts in that color, you know."
He shakes his head.  "She's not wearing contacts.  You saw her just as plain as you're seeing me.  She's one of us."
"You're losing it.  She can't be one of us.  Look at her hair.  You can'teve call that blonde.  It's almost white."
Galen frowns.  The hair color had thrown him off too--before he had touched her.  The simple contact of grasping her arm when she fell dispensed any doubts.  The Syrena are always attracted to their own kind--which helps them find each other across miles and miles of ocean.  Usually that attraction is limited to water transmission, where they can sense the presence of one of their own. He's never heard of it occurring on land before--and never felt it so strongly, period--but he knows what he felt.  He wouldn't--couldn't react that way to a human.  Especially given how much he despises them." (pp. 8-9)

"'Stop!' she yells.
Galen stops.  But Emma's not talking to him.  She's talking to the shark.
And the shark stops.
Emma wraps both arms around Chloe and hugs her to her chest, leaning her friend away from the attack.  "You can't have her!  Leave her alone!  Leave us alone!"
The shark turns, saunters away as if sulking.
Galen gasps.  He watches until the smooth sway of its tail disappears in the distance.  He tries to comprehend it.  Because what he knows, absolutely knows, about bull sharks is that they don't back down." (p. 23)

"'So the humans followed you around, made you feel uncomfortable?'
That's what I just said, isn't it?
Toraf nods thoughtfully.  Then he says, "Imagine how Emma must feel then."
"What?"
"Think about it.  The humans followed you around a building and it made you uncomfortable.  You followed Emma across the big land.  Then Rachel makes sure you have every class with her. Then when she tries to get away, you chase her.  Seems to me you're scaring her off." (p. 56)


Tasty Rating:  !!

Literary Feast Discussion: Hush, Hush (The End!)

So, the below post is beeeeeeeeeeeeyond late, few but dear readers.  If I said one of us just didn't want to finish the book because we were so in love with it and with Patch would you believe me?

...

No, I didn't think so.

Well, on to our concluding thoughts of Hush, Hush.  Keep in mind, spoilers abound!  And also, whether you agree or disagree with what Monica and I have to say about the book, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Heartsies!



Shel: I don't really understand how I'm supposed to feel about the scene in the women's restroom of the movie theater. Is this a knowledge dump? (*snort* dump in the bathroom.) or is this a romantic couple-y moment? Because the vital information is being given in such an off-hand manner and I'm not feeling the sexual tension....

Monica: I mostly just like how it played out all kidnappy. "Stand up and walk out of the theater," growls Patch. "No funny business, now -- don't make me hurt you!"


No lie, though, I did laugh when the guy sitting by Nora tried to bribe her with his soda, to shut her up. If only it was that easy....

Shel: Dabria disappeared way too easily. Obviously she'll pop up in later books, but still, disappointing.

Monica: What, the phrase "All taken care of" was too pat for you? ;) I was kind of bored of her, no lie, so I guess I don't really mind that we didn't get to see some sort of semi-epic battle between her and Patch, whilst he tore off her wings and she shrieked a lot. Yick.

Shel: And I quote: "I could smell the fear on my breath" (p. 357). How does that work? Is fear something that is sniffable in one's breath? Is this a common human experience? Have I just never been frightened enough to smell fear on my own breath? I'll admit, I'm not big on smelling my own breath, but...Monica, am I an abnormal human being or a normal one in this case?

Monica: Oh my God, I didn't even NOTICE that one! Thank you, thank you for pointing it out -- imagine if I hadn't gotten the opportunity to giggle at Nora once more, before the end.... I imagine that her senses are just SUPER AWESOME. After all, she can already tell that the hallways are radiating a hidden menace, and she can also control the weather so that perfectly-timed shafts of light from the moon keep illuminating key plot points. Smelling her own fear seems like it would be EASY, comparatively.

Shel: So, for the entire scene in which Nora is running around the school, being attacked/looking for Vee, I just kept thinking, "WHERE THE FRAK IS PATCH?" but I was also fully aware that he'd inexplicably show up at just the right moment to save Nora (cause us ladies can't save ourselves).

Monica: Nope! We can scream well, and occasionally run, and every once and a while summon up some tiny spark of rebellion, but apparently in the end we a) always need rescuing and b) always give in to the will of our strong, potentially abusive maybe-boyfriends. Good times.

Shel: When Nora is all, "I wish I had one more minute with Patch, another shared laugh (what laughs?!) on page 378, I couldn't help but want to add "another moment when I thought he was stalking me/trying to kill me. OR BEST OF ALL--BOTH!"

Monica: No laughs. Have they *ever* laughed together? Patch occasionally smiles, but it's always "pinched around the corners" or else it's a "fox smile." Not what I would want more of, to be honest.


But you're right! Perhaps she longs for more moments where she turns around and he's staring at her like a total creeper, or moments where he's forcing her to sleep in the same bed as him, or moments where her mind is screaming, "No, no, I don't like him" but her heart is saying "Well, maybe stalking is how he says he loves me?"

Shel: I know *I'd* want more of those moments. I'm having Twilight flashbacks. Once again we have a girl who thinks she'll save the ones she loves by hurting/killing herself.

Monica: "Gasp!" says Nora. "Jules is right! I am weak! I am easy! I shall sacrifice myself!" Sigh. Thank God, Patch is there to possess her body, just in time to save the day. Because then, you see, it's *like* she is defeating evil, only she doesn't have to do anything, and can use the strength of her creeptastic boyfriend(?) rather than her own.


And then, if that's not enough, one can always throw oneself off the rafters, apparently.....

Shel: Victory for the good guys! Also, it's official. If my guardian angel ever makes a move on me (assuming I *have* a guardian angel), I will fire him/it and sue him/it for sexual harassment. Inappropriate conduct in his/its work place.

Monica: It really makes you long for those foofy little cherubs, doesn't it? At least they probably won't watch you undress as per most of the guardian angels we've read about recently...

Shel: Or at the very least, cherubs are wearing little diapers and could be easily pantsed as I yell, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, JERK!"

Monica: I'm sorry, but at least Edward acted like he loved Bella. Do you get *any* sense that Patch cares about Nora, aside from the fact that he apparently didn't accept her Hurled Off The Rafters sacrifice? I get the cat toying with a mouse feeling, but not the omg our love is eternal type of one.


Monica: Okay Shel, admit it. What are your final thoughts? Me, I'm giving this a solid "Meh," coupled with "I'm so glad that this type of book wasn't around during my formative years, because I'm pretty sure my understanding of love, as well as my overall self-esteem, would have suffered."

Shel: No lie? I'm pretty 'meh' myself, coupled with confusion over how many people are going crazy over this series. I'm just not feeling that Patch is in any way sexy. I do think the author does a good job of creating an eerie gothic setting though.

And without further ado, Hush, Hush has been added to our stalker scale:

Monica and I may take a couple of weeks off before our next feast.  We both need to recover from all this stalker craziness.  Plus, I have dissertation related stress.  (So fun!)

Best wishes to you all.  Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.  (Or don't feel free...feel required!)

Literary Feast Discussion: Hush, Hush (Chapters 6-12)

Aaaaand, we're back.  Ready to discuss the next round of Hush, Hush.  And we're only a day late in posting.  That's pretty good for us, right?  Right.

We know that our response to the book isn't the same to all you all other readers out there.  So, we'd love to hear your thoughts on the book.

So, let's get down to the talking part....


Shel: Wait! Elliot has P.E. TWICE a day and his two classes are separated by a couple of hours?! Ick! I can think of no Hell worse!

Monica: But it’s okay! He’s hot and buff! So really, everyone benefits – he gets his gym credits in, and everyone else gets to watch him getting his gym credits in!

Shel: I suppose. I'd just hate to be in his position. But I have to say, I kinda like Elliot. He isn't creepy. I have no doubt he'll turn out to be the son of satan, an evil angel, demon or something of that sort.

Monica: The nice ones always are. It’s as though authors cannot imagine a world in which a guy is both politely flirty, and not a serial killer. “Blaha, behind my kind façade lurks a crazed madman with eyebrows that go in all different directions.” Which is too bad, because I totally agree – he’s kind of darling. I will miss him when he goes all crazy-like.

Shel: Stupid having to look beyond the surface to see if someone is truly good or evil.

Monica: Seriously! ;) Nora, Nora Nora. Please stop hanging out with Patch. When you can admit to yourself that the man "outwardly frighten[s]" you, it's time to back away. And girl, I don't care that his touch is sending Hot Sensations down your legs. Look at your life, look at your choices. I'd drop Elliot too, because of his aforementioned inevitable descent into evil. Grab Vee, and the three of us will go find some nice men who will love you without threatening you. Yes? Yes.

Shel: Yes!

Monica: Stephanie Meyer has ruined me for any sort of Supernatural Creatures Playing Baseball scenes, no lie. ;)

Shel: Ha, I hadn't even made that connection.

Monica: Has Becca Fitzpatrick ever *been* on a roller coaster? For real? Because seriously, I cannot name a single time I have ever gone on a new, revamped coaster and had the very back and the very front be free, but all the boring middle seats be filled. And while Patch might be rigging it with his brain waves, I feel like Nora should have noticed the discrepancy. ALSO. Lap belts are the only safety feature? A roller coaster featuring a 100-foot vertical drop, and they're in cars with doors that open on the sides, and lap belts that buckle?! ... Back me up on this, Shel. I feel like I'm ranting.

Shel: Yeah, it's very hard to believe. It'd be one thing if it was a carnival that skirted the laws or an old coaster that hadn't been brought up to spec. But this was very hard to believe. Unless of course, part of the reality bending involved not allowing Nora to see the safety bars that were keeping her shoulders in place.

Monica: His brain must have powers of epic proportions... one wonders why he bothers with creepy-flirting at all, and doesn't just take over her mind....?

Shel:  P.S. What is up with all of these "dangerous situation X happens, no wait it didn't, did it?" moments?

Monica: Whiplash. Obviously the author hopes that if she throws us around enough, we won't notice the fact that Vee appears to be the only semi-sane character in the entire novel.

Shel: So, after Patch drives her home on her motorcycle...that scene gave me the sceevies. This book is not paranormal romance. It is HORROR. *shudders*

Monica: And he has her *keys*, and he has a *knife*, and he's making her phone wonk out. Honestly, if they make this into a film, I don't know how they're going to convince anyone that it's sexy. It absolutely screams terror, for sure.

Shel: I just read the computer lab scene. Soooo, Elliot turned evil super-quick. Everyone in the book is creepy. Creepy. Creepy. Even the new psychologist. CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY! Except Vee. Poor Vee. I might grab Vee and pull her out of the novel and leave all the rest to their creepy fates.

Monica: ::: LAUGHS ::: That's what we get for writing comments as we read the chapters; we can still like someone at the beginning of the section, only to have him go all STALKER at the end. ;)


So, are we in for more creepy stalker action in the next section?  You'll have to join us in reading Hush, Hush to find out.  We'll be taking on chapters 13-18 next.  We'll have it done by...let's say...Tuesday-ish.  Make note of the "ish" at the end of that Tuesday.  It means we have some ishy space to be early or late. Place your bets on which one we'll be.

Enjoy your reading!

Literary Feast Discussion: Hush, Hush (Chapters 1-5)

Few But Dear Readers, I was denied a great beauty.  When my copy of hush, hush arrived in the mail it lacked a dust jacket.  I was depressed.  Where was my pretty?

I almost couldn't get over it.  My suffering was so great.

Only Monica's promise that we would read the book together managed to rouse me.

Our thoughts about the first five chapters are below.  Feel free to leave your insights about hush, hush in the comments.

Shel:  Tell me, who describes herself as a "smoky-eyed brunette with volumes of curly hair that holds its own against even the best flatiron.  And I'm all legs, like a bar stool" (p. 9).  Well written, good imagery.  I've just never heard someone say, "Hi, I'm a smoky-eyed brunette" before.

Monica:  I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of refreshing to have a character describe herself good looking, for all that she follows it up with a description of how much better looking her bestie is.  I’m so used to the Bella-type descriptions, “OMG am so disgustingly plain and ugly, how could anyone like me, oh look, yet another ridiculously attractive man is drooling all up in my business….”

Shel:  This is true.  But of course, Nora still manages to be uncoordinated.  Apparently we can't have it all.  I have to say, from first meeting Patch is rocking the creepy vibe.  Why must stalkers be presented as sexy?  Why must this be a trend?  

Monica:  Say it with me, girls!  Stalking!  Is!  Not!  Sexy!  If there is a man who is a) watching you sleep, b) staring at you in a bizarre fashion for any length of time, c) telling you disturbingly accurate personal information about yourself, or d) expressing that you’re “Not what he expected” whilst gazing into your eyes and looking like he wants to eat you, GET AWAY FROM HIM AND CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP.  Like Buffy.  Or Harry Dresden.

Shel:  If possible, I'd have Buffy on my speed dial.  I think when we finish this book we're going to have to add it to our Stalker Scale.  *claps*  Also, why the name Patch?  It makes me think of a stuffed dog.

Monica:  I’m assuming “Patch” is short for something, like Apatchapherialazaringal, and we’ll learn about in the presumably-upcoming big reveal.

Shel:  You're probably right.  But don't be too surprised if in the meantime I start referring to him as Patches and start cooing about his fuzzy little ears.  Who's a good puppy?  Muh-muh-muh.

Monica:  Wrong genre, Shel!  He’s not a werewolf, he’s a… actually, I don’t know exactly what he is, yet.  I assume some angely-type critter……

Shel:  Such an awkward classroom conversation.  What are your top three qualities for a potential mate?  Here are mine:  gentle...dumb...and easily manipulated.  Where does that leave the future of humanity?  That biology class needs to rebel against that coach/teacher.

Monica:  Dude, I’m finding the coach fairly stalkerish as well, really.  He seems to be breaking any number of classroom conduct rules.  I don’t care what he’s told them; I would be recording Biology like it was my job, via both video and a hidden microphone feed, and if he tried to take them away, I’d shriek about constitutional rights until he either left me alone or let me drop the class.  (This is obviously a function of me reading way too many Bruce Coville books as a child.  I am perpetually ready to assume that my teacher is out to get me.)

Shel:  I'd have a back-up microphone in my bag, just in case one of yours fails to record.  So, how threatened do you think Nora actually feels?  Like, I get the bad boy thing generally.  But if I actually felt threatened by a crush, I think in that moment he would stop being my crush.  Patch certainly is king of making a girl uncomfortable.  I wouldn't want to be his biology partner.

Monica:  Apparently it’s hot when a guy makes you want to hide under your desk?  Seriously, though, Nora.  If a guy makes you uncomfortable, stay away from him.  If the guy makes you uncomfortable and the professor refuses to allow you to stay away from him, contact a person in a position of authority.  What the heck is this book teaching young girls about protecting themselves!?!?

Shel:  I do not know.  And I really don't understand the motive for wanting to write such creepy, icky, fiends as the good guys.  I like a little romantic escape as much as the next girl, but that doesn't mean I want to see the female protagonists abandon their ability to, you know, manage their own bodies and decisions.  I do like Vee and her rapport with Nora, though.  It entertains.

Monica:  I also sympathize with Vee’s diet.  All fruits and vegetables on a color wheel of sorrow?  No thank you.  ;)

One does wonder, though, at what point she’s going to suggest to Nora that Stalker Patch is *not* endearing but rather creeptastic.  That’s kind of a best friend’s job, don’t you think?

Shel:  I don't know, I think she is crushing on Patch too.  I think she's more likely to be jealous.

Monica:  Girls, girls.  Fight over someone who seems like he’s worth it…..

Okay, cool cats and hot dogs, that's it for now.  Never fear, the next course in our literary feast will (hopefully!) post on Thursday.  Probably.  We'll be reading chapters 6-12.

This doesn't mean the discussion of hush, hush has to be put on hold until then.  Let us know what you think of the book!

REVIEW: Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood

Cook, E.  (2010).  Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood.  New York:  Simon Pulse.

261 pages.


Appetizer:  Helen and Lauren were best friends.  That is until the end of eighth grade, when Lauren betrayed Helen to launch her own plan to become the most popular girl in their grade.  Left behind and bullied by the entire eighth grade class, Helen is lucky when her family has to move to New York for her ninth grade year.

But not a day goes by that Helen doesn't think about their lost friendship and Lauren's betrayal.  So, when Helen learns that she may have to move back to Terrace, Michigan to live with her grandmother for her senior year, she concocts a plan to finally get the revenge she has been craving.

Helen (who'd lost some weight and had suffered through a broken nose, both altering her appearance) returns to Michigan and begins going by the name Claire, working to become popular so she can better destroy Lauren's perfect life.

The premise has the potential to be a little confusing unless you're reading the book, so here's the book trailer.  I find the music and sound effects strangely hypnotizing:



Like if I ever go to a dance club again, this is the music I want to hear.  And whenever I hear one of the sound effects, I will pause my awkward dancing in some strange new position:

"Wow!"

"What? Umm, I don't know."

"Meeeow."

Also, it's been brought to my attention, that if you just can't get enough of that mean manipulative Lauren Wood, you can now get popularity tips from her on YouTube:




I will obviously be following her advice.

But enough youtube fun for now.

As I was reading Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood, I was strongly reminded of the movie Mean Girls.  The premise is very similar, with an outsider coming in, gaining popularity to destroy a mean girl, using people and potentially losing sight of who they are and why they did what they did.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

I'd even say the execution of Mean Girls is better, mostly because of my main problem with Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood:  Helen/Claire's characterization.

So, even after Helen/Claire leaves the state, she can't let go of what Lauren did to her.  She remains an outsider at her new New York school and stalks Lauren through Facebook.  Then, when she moves back to Michigan, with only a bit of research and after spending hours thinking about what makes a person popular and making a popularity scale, she is suddenly an expert on popularity, clothes, designers, hairstyles, etc.  She returns and is suddenly the queen of manipulation, with only the occasional pang of guilt.

But, no.  No, no, no, no.  Her parents couldn't be scientists.  Because that's part of the premise of Mean Girls (zoologists).

Damn, I'm gonna go watch Mean Girls.

(I watched it a record four times while reading through this book)

I had a lot of trouble with Helen/Claire's sudden and complete understandings of the high school and fashion worlds.  I needed a reason to believe that Helen/Claire could somehow gain all this knowledge into how to analyze groups of people and their behavior.  I found myself wishing her parents were anthropologists instead of hippies.  Then I could suspend my disbelief.

Plus, when Helen/Claire's character evolves, I didn't quite understand what was triggering those changes either.  

I also had trouble with this book because of how stalkery Helen/Claire is.  It doesn't end with facebook.  Once she's back in town, Helen/Claire's antics involve sabotaging Lauren's possessions and breaking into her house.

Stalker!  STALKER!  STALKER!

I hadn't planned to have to drag out my stalker scale so often.  But I'm quickly learning the difficult lesson that stalkers are EVERYWHERE in YA literature.

Because of the stalker elements and my trouble believing Helen/Claire's characterization, I was left feeling that Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood was pretty so-so.  Having said that though, I can see how the book provides some happy escapism for teen girls who weren't popular or who were bullied.

Also, Eileen Cook and I have something in common:  We both graduated from Michigan State.

Go green!  Go white!  Or whatever.

I wasn't there because I was a sports fan.  (Although taking pictures of the riots after games was a surprising good time.  And now I can say, "Yes, yes, I have been tear gassed."  Thank you, MSU!)



Dinner Conversation:


"Last night I dreamed I dissected Lauren Wood in Earth Sciences class.  She was wearing her blue and white cheerleader outfit, the pleated skirt fanned out and the sweater cut right down the middle.  She lay there, unmoving, staring straight up at the ceiling tiles.  She was annoyed.  I could tell from the way her jaw thrust forward and her lips pressed together in a thin line.  I opened up her chest, peeling her ribs back like a half-opened Christmas present, and the entire class leaned in to get a good look.
"As I suspected," I declared, "no heart." (p. 1).

"Before the incident there hadn't been a single moment of my life without Lauren in it.  We were born in the same hospital, her the day before me.  They placed us side by side in the nursery, our first sleepover. Helen Worthington right next to Lauren Wood.  Even alphabetically, Lauren came before me.  Lauren was in every one of my birthday photos--from age one, when she has her fist buried in my cake, to fourteen when we are both posing supermodel style for the camera, Lauren's outstretched arm covering part of my face.  Looking back, I can see how she always had to be front and center" (p. 2).

"I want to be invited out.  We were always second string, but now I have a chance to make the A-list."
"And that matters so much?"
"Of course it matters."  Lauren tossed her hands in the air and paced back and forth.  "My mom tells me that the friends you have in high school determine who your friends are in college, and then who your friends are for the rest of your life."
"Well, my mom says you can't buy friendship," I countered" (p 20).

"Nothing is forever, you know.  Once I'm popular, we can be friends again and then you'll be popular too.  It will all be worth it."
"What makes you think I'll want to be your friend?"
"What makes you think you'll have other options?" (p. 20).

"...Maybe the universe wants you to come back here to teach her a lesson.  Lord knows the girl could use it.  You know I'm crazy about your mom and dad, but I'm thinking karma could use a helping hand."
I didn't say anything.  I just thought about what [grandma'd] said.  That was the first time it occurred to me that instead of just thinking about revenge, dreaming about it, I could actually make it happen.  Lauren would never see it coming.  She would never expect it" (p. 35).


Tasty Rating:  !!!

REVIEW: Sleepless

Balog, C.  (2010).  Sleepless.  New York:  Delacorte Press.

215 pages.


Appetizer:  Julia doesn't dream very often.  Still, the sandman assigned to her, Eron DeMarchelle, a seventeen-year-old who died almost a century ago, must "seduce" her to allow her to fall asleep each night.  He has been a sleep bringer for almost a century.  And now he has a chance at becoming human again.

But first Eron has to train his replacement, Griffin, Julia's prankster boyfriend who died unexpectedly.  As Julia struggles to move on with her life, still sensing that Griffin is somehow near,  she must face unwanted advances from Brett, Griffin's best friend.  While Julia doesn't sense any danger from her only remaining friend, both Eron and Griffin do and they must find a way to work together to protect Julia, or battle one another for her heart, without risking their own futures.

To share the story, the chapters switch back and forth between Eron and Julia's perspectives.  I was impressed by how distinct their voices were, how well written the book was and how well-planned the plotting was.  So much of the book deals with the quiet tensions and desires that drive the characters slowly toward conflict.

Also, the initial scene really drew me in.  Julia wakes to a phone call from a journalist asking for an obituary quote about Griffin.  Julia assumes this is one of Griffin's many pranks, so her comments are far from complimentary.  It's only after a second journalist calls that Julia suspects this isn't a joke.  It was hard to stop reading, even though it was well after midnight.

There were a lot of great details throughout the book.  Since Julia is about to turn sixteen, she has to practice driving with her mom, who "

This reminded me a lot of my own driving practice.  My dad would stomp his foot whenever he thought I should use the break.  My mom, in a tragedy of opposites, would sit in the back seat reading, pretending I was her chauffeur.  Whenever I tried to rouse her from her book with a question like "Mommy!  Help what do I do?  I'm so scared I'm going to kill us both right now?!" she'd grudgingly look up and say, "I don't know," or "Can you stop at the Starbucks so I can get a toffee nut latte?"

No, I would not stop at Starbucks for a toffee nut latte.

If I have to drive, she have to suffer through being caffeine-deprived.

And now I wonder why I still occasionally get feelings of anxiety about driving.

...

And back to our regularly scheduled book review....

I can see why this book is getting positive reviews all around the blog-town.  But as I continued to read, the narration started to raise a lot of red flags that it was sending unhealthy messages.

For example:

"I swallow, trying to remember if I ever told him where I work.  No, I'm pretty sure I didn't. There are four hundred stores in this mall, and yet he manages to get a job at my place of employment?  This is all too creepy.  But my heart begins to flutter.  Those dark eyes.  That stubble-dotted movie-star jawline...This guy could be a serial killer, yet my ticker is still screaming, "Bring it on!" (pp. 133-134).

Tell me, Few But Dear Readers, how do you feel about that little excerpt?

Ever since the Twilight series became popular, it seems that having a stalker has been the cool thing to do in paranormal YA romances.  This makes me more than a little uncomfortable since, some of the time, the stalker is the good romantic lead.  Icky.  Now, I can understand the appeal of a romantic character who wants nothing more than to protect and save the girl.  I can also understand the metaphor of how taking a chance and loving someone can feel like a great risk, like you're putting yourself in danger.  And I know that most of these books are viewed to be fun escapes from reality for the readers.  But I'm still more than a little worried about the messages stalker literature sends to the tweens who devour these books and then wonder where their Stalker-Edward is.  Remember when I showed you this?

Fun times.

So, to help navigate the stalker trend, Monica and I have come up with this...

THE STALKER SCALE!

You'll notice that Sleepless is in the middle of the scale.  That's right kids, this is a well-done and only "pretty creepy" approach to stalker-ism.  Sure, Eron crouches outside Julia's window and watches her sleep, but when he does it, it's not because he's already obsessed with her, it's his job and he knows that it's wrong and he even feels a little bad about it.

...I can't believe I just typed that.

Griffin on the other hand, has a creep element.  Somebody is a little too excited to get into the ladies' bedrooms without their knowledge.


Admittedly, the more I read of the book, the creepier all three potential love interests became.  And Julia's reactions to them didn't help matters.  Here's kind of the boiled down version of the way the guys perceived Julia and her reactions to them:

Eron:  Julia, you are virtuous and fragile.  I must protect you!
Julia:  Eron, you are stalkery and strange.  Kiss my hand again!  *she randomly falls down and starts bleeding*

Griffin:  Julia, you are mine!  I must protect you!!!!!!!!
Julia:  Griffin, you are dead.  I am yours!

Brett:  Julia, you are sexy!  Hold still while I kiss you passionately!
Julia:  Brett, you are scaring me.  But you are Griffin's best friend and are pathetic.  I will hold still while you rape-kiss me multiple times.

Swoooooooooooooooooon!

Few But Dear Readers, it's such a difficult decision!  Which guy to choose?!  And it only kinda-sorta sends tragically awful messages about female agency.

Sigh.




Dinner Conversation:

"Griffin Colburn knew something was wrong the moment he slid into the driver's seat.
It was a twinge.  Nothing more.  He shook his head, blinked.  Pushed it off" (p. 1).

"You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell!"
My eyes flicker open.  All I see is a pink satin pillow, which I've clamped over my face to block out the rest of the world.  When I remove it, I recoil in the morning sunlight like the undead and crane my neck to check the clock at my bedside.
9:20 a.m.  Oh, hell no" (p. 4).

"My first and only boyfriend is so dead" (p. 7).

"If Mama, God rest her soul, could see me now, crouching outside the window of a girl's house, in this tree, she would surely rise from her grave and swat the life clean out of me.  And I agree with her; this is no place for a man.  But that is one thing I am not.
At least not yet.
Watching the bedtime ritual of a woman from a clandestine post is perfectly acceptable behavior for us Sleepbringers, known as Sandmen to humans.  In fact, I watch more than one woman every night.  I'm sure Mama would get out the belt if she knew that.  It's not proper human behavior, so it was a struggle even for me to grasp.  After all, I still appear human, and one's human sensibilities are difficult simply to disregard.  Even now I'm not entirely comfortable with stalking women in the dark, though I've been carrying out this seduction for nearly a hundred years.  I'm about as used to it as I'll ever be" (p. 8).



Tasty Rating:  !!

Literary Feast Discussion: Eternal (pp.234-307)

Hi everyone! We've reached the final course of our Literary Feast -- Eternal, by Cynthia Leitich Smith.

Brace yourselves -- it's a chatty discussion. Ready? Let's go!

Shel: I really like when Joshua says, "I'm bored. What is this, intermission?" (p. 235). Mmmm. Just the right hint of meta for my tastes.

Monica: I feel bad, but I sort of grew weary of the angels by the end of the book. Not Zachary, obviously, but the rest of them seemed all… manipulative and somewhat unhelpful. “Mwaha, we’re not going to tell you what you’re actually supposed to do.” “Blahaha, now you have to kill your girlfriend.” “Hee hee hee, well done, have your powers back.” And so on.

Shel: I was still pretty okay. I mean, how often does anyone get a clear message from god or his angelic minions? I liked that the guardian angels were trying to help through the other humans. I thought that was a nice touch. Not nice touch, though -- A spa? That's where Harrison's been? Really? I mean, I get the joke, but I'd have thought there should be more of an adjustment period to the vampire lifestyle.

Monica: I definitely just *stared* at the book when he said that. Not that I was hoping he was running crazed through the woods, eating small children and hiding from men with pitchforks, but hanging out at a spa just seemed too… tame. Seriously, though, I was under the impression that Miranda had taken a much longer time to Vampire It Up. Maybe Harrison adapted more easily because he had planned on it happening?

Shel: I'm with you! That transformation is not an easy process. And I'm guessing this is a small plot hole that we stumbled into. And how about that angel's blood? I bet Buffy could have used some of that. I still wonder if it would have tasted sweet.

Monica: Dude, that was AWESOME! Who saw that coming? I… should have seen that coming, but totally didn’t. I assume that it was the best tasting blood on the planet, and probably *almost* worth combusting over.

Shel: I like Freddy. He as good timing.

Monica: And he’s fun! And sassy! It’s nice that we’ve sorted out the Good Guy?/Bad Guy? issue, though, because that was confusing me back when he was introduced.

Shel: Plus, since I paused between readings for our postings, I totally forgot who he was for a few moments there. But than he amused me. Which is all I ask.

Monica: No lie, I totally want a werebear for a friend, now. Shel? Back me on how awesome this would be? (It does show that the vamps were getting pretty cocky over who they were eating – given the destruction Mama Bear and Papa Bear caused, you’d think they wouldn’t be the best enemies....)

Shel: If you find a werebear to be friends with, I will so want cuddle privileges! And to repeat werebear, werebear, WEREBEAR over and over again. Oh, and look, more stalker action. "Shower time was one of my favorites" (p. 290). And of course, it's closely followed by an implied "if you love me, you'll kill me." Do you think that'll skew anybody's sense of romance?

Monica: Yeah, you’d think being a Creepy Stalker would be frowned upon by Zachary’s boss, but… apparently not? I seriously do find it a little weird, because it opens up all sorts of moral pseudo-religious questions, like about the fact that except for having wings, Zachary seems pretty much completely human, lust and all. I almost wish he’d been a little more… Angelic. But then I suppose the fun of the book might have been nixed.

Shel: Yeah, I see what you mean. I think I'm going to have to go down as anti-lust for angels. Mostly because I don't want to worry about peeking tom shower angels. I don't have time for that batch of crazy.

Shel: Wait. My comment again. Does this story feel a little rushed to you? Like all the pieces are there, but instead of tensions building gradually I feel like sometimes we're getting dumped on and told key points that I would have preferred to learn myself. Like that Sabine would be willing to rebel against Drac. Does that make sense?

Monica: Yes. 100% perfect sense. The entire last section, including where Miranda is making allies and there’s this undercurrent of War and Takeover... it definitely was racing along breakneck. And then BOOM Drac is dead. And then BANG Miranda is dead. And then WHAM Zachary is… just going to sit and wait until he gets to see her again? (Oh, Miranda. If you thought it was bad being a virgin, and then bad being undead and a virgin, think how desperate you’ll be when you’re formerly-undead now-really-dead and a virgin.)

Shel: *Snort* The poor poor girl. Even her would-be boyfriend an ANGEL OF GOD has gotten WAY more action than her. Hmm. So I know this book wasn't quite what we had expected. But overall, whadidya think?

Monica: I give it three and a half out of five stars. I liked the idea, and the author writes beautifully, *and* there was a DS9 shout-out. Heart. But the ending especially, as we mentioned, seemed sort of OMG CAN’T SLOW DOWN!!!1, and I couldn’t quite recover from thinking this would be a ditzy fun book, only to realize it was actually a blood-stained pseudo-tragedy. That’s not the fault of the book, of course, only of my own original perception, but it still definitely impacted the way I read the thing.

Shel: I'm with you there. And I think your misguided perception may be based on my misguided perception that I shared with you. It just...seemed like goofy fun for those first two pages.... But looking at the jokes that I couldn't bring myself to laugh at due to all the horrendous imagery surrounding them, I do think I may have to give this book a second try. In a few years. Now now. And when does Blessed come out?!

Monica: I might have to read whatever her first one is, before I tackle Blessed. I’m wondering if she talks more about the werecritters in that one, since they seemed weirdly tacked-on in Eternal.

Shel: Yep, as far as I can tell, it will have a lot of werewolves. But alas, my copy of it hasn't arrived in the mail yet.

Whoo! Well, that's all for Eternal, friends! Hope you enjoyed the ride. Give us a moment or two to recover, and we'll have a new book picked out and ready for the next Feast. It'll be a good one. A really good one. A really, really really good one. Because, you know, I'm letting Shel pick it out. ;)

Literary Feast Discussion: Eternal (pp. 153-233)

Howdy cool cats!  We are back again with the third installment of our Eternal discussion.  What an interesting read.  Let's get straight to it.

Shel:  Harrison has been a very bad submissive man servant!  Alfred and Igor will have to school him.

Monica:  But how awesome was that scene?!  I was sure Zachary was a gonner, but instead it turns out there's a muscley dude with a busted jail cell and a heart of almost-gold there to rescue him!  The plot thickens... why hasn't he escaped yet... who the heck turned Harrison... doesn't muscley dude know you can fix a unibrow with just a little bit of tweezing? 

Shel:  Perhaps while he had the mad skills to break a lock, he lacked the talent to tweeze.  On another note, I do feel a little bad for Miranda.  She's going to be in deep dookie when psycho daddy-dearest gets home.  I'm surprised she's not doing more to figure out who's trying to ruin her life.  I mean, some of the baddies are obvious.

Monica:  It's all the sexual tension.  It has obviously been too distracting.  But now that she's gone dancing with Zachary, snuggled in bed with Zachary, fought with Zachary, had a storm off with Zachary, and murdered some poor helpless were-Antelope... maybe NOW she can focus on the big bads who are out to get her?  

Shel:  I doubt it.  I'm entertained by the description of the lives of those who serve the eternals:  "lifestyle built on fear, ambition, caffeine, and five-star cuisine" (p. 177).  My lifestyle is built on devotion, ambition, caffeine, and one-star cuisine.  Not so different.

Monica:  Ooh, and mine is giddiness, fatigue, caffeine, and Fruits Basket!  It's... okay, actually, it's pretty darn different. I obviously would be an epic failure serving the vamps.  Eternals.  Whatever.

Shel:  You're too bubbly for the vamps.  You'd ruin their images by making them crack smiles.  On a darker note, Um...choking down a body in wolf form?  ICK!

Monica:  Dude, do you know how long that would take?  She must have been seriously committed.  They could make a Food Network Challenge out of it, for reals.

Shel:  I don't know if I could watch that...I need a new thought to distract my brain from that image.  Yay!  Gender equality in the Eternal population.  There's a cause I can get behind.  Where are my markers?!  Let's make a poster!

Monica:  ::: LAUGHS :::  This book is really messing with my head, because I can't keep the good vs. bad characters straight (Freddy, anyone?), and some of the Eternals don't actually seem all that bad!  Plus, what about Nora?  She has a legit reason for being there -- how unexpected was that?

Shel:  The line between good and evil is complicated?  Who'd have thunk?  Oh shiz, kidnapping Geoff!  I should have seen that coming.  But didn't.  At all.  But then, I was disappointed that Miranda was so nice to him.  Pesky guardian angel love corruption!

Monica:  I definitely didn't see it coming either, and I *certainly* didn't see it going so well.  Silly Miranda.  You're going to turn all Light and Good if you're not careful.

Monica:  Seriously, can we pause for a moment and reread page 198?  "So she's seen all the Star Wars movies.  She knows her Doctor Who.  She thinks that Deep Space Nine is the best Star Trek series and that Firefly is sorely underappreciated by the masses."  I had a little fangirl seizure when I read that page, Shel, no lie.  Not that I don't mad love me my fantasy, but it's nice that scifi got a chance to represent.  (SISKO!  CALL ME!)  Plus, it makes me like the author a bit more too.  ;)


Shel:  OMG!  I loved that moment too.  I starred it in the margin.  DS9 is my favorite ST.  And you know well of my love for Firefly.  We're going to have to pick up an Eternal friend.  Sure our DVD-a-thons will have to be held later after she joins our group, but it'd be worth it to hang out with another like-minded cool person.


Okay, on that note of awesomeness, we're going to cut off our discussion for the time being.  But we'll finish up Eternal and our discussion on Thursday.  As always, we would love to hear what all-ya-alls have to say about the book.  We know you're out there!  

Literary Feast Discussion: Eternal (pp. 74-152)

Hey all! Welcome to the second update in our most recent Literary Feast -- Eternal, by Cynthia Leitich Smith.

As always, reader beware! There are spoilers below! ;)

Shel: Reading about Zachary eating egg rolls made me want some of my own. Why don't any of my local Chinese restaurants deliver? *Weeps*

Monica: See, I’m officially off food after having read that oh-so-delicious description of Miranda dipping pumpkin bread in the wannabe Slayer’s blood, fancy-restaurant style. Yick.

Shel: What's that now? I'd been blocking out that lovely image. But, it's interesting. There's still a lot of humor throughout this book, but because of the initial surprising dark turn (and the following dark spots) I can't seem to bring myself to laugh at any of the funny moments. Are you doing any better?

Monica: Oh, heck no. I mean yes, there are a few funny moments here and there, but you never know when it’s going to suddenly take a horrible, horrible turn for the worse. (“Why do they need tongues anyway,” anyone?) I’m definitely reading the entire book in a state of semi-terror, because I’m just *waiting* for Miranda to go all crazy and bite the face off a baby, or something. Maybe with Zachary in the picture, things will tone down / lighten up?

Shel: We can only hope. I do have a point of trepidation...maybe this will be revealed later, but why would Harrison let Zachary through knowing he'd had a stake. I don't understand!

Monica: THANK YOU FOR ASKING! I was so confused. Harrison’s just all, “Oh, stake. Aha. Not this time.” Maybe he assumes that anyone who doesn’t come armed is an idiot, but that doesn’t mean he’ll allow anyone to bring weapons in past the entryway? Maybe he’s just not all that dedicated to his job and doesn’t have the energy to throw stake-wielding people out of the house? Maybe – gasp! – he *wants* someone to assassinate Miranda? No, that makes no sense…. I’m going with not all that dedicated.

Shel: We shall seeeeeeee! Hmmm, Zachary handled seeing vampified-Miranda much better than I would have expected. I'd been envisioning double-takes, open-mouthed staring and stuttering.

Monica: He might still be hung over. I think a six-month bender takes a while to wear off.

Shel: Hahahaha! I really like that Zachary isn't afraid of her (not that he'd have reason to be). Vamps--excuse me--ETERNALS really do go on massive ego trips, no matter the story. It'd be nice to see more characters that put them back in their places.

Monica: I did have to laugh, though (for pretty much the first time so far) when Joshua materialized and had to almost physically restrain him from keeping the insults going. “No, Zachary. You are supposed to become besties with her. Not alienate her permanently.” Because let’s be honest, it would really stink if he got eaten this early on. I wonder what angel blood tastes like, PS? Or do you think he’s all human in the veins?

Shel: I think there's still a bit of angel in his veins. I bet angel blood would taste annoyingly sweet. It'd probably give a drinker a sugar-high. Mmmm, sugar. Well, I'm off to watch some old episodes of True Blood. Cause I can!

Monica: True Blood pah. Nothing beats Angel. ;)

Shel: Pah, if I want Joss at his best, I'll hit up Buffy.

Well, that's it for today, friends. Be sure to drop by on Saturday, when we'll be discussing the next section (pages 153-233). Can't wait to see what y'all think!

Literary Feast Discussion: Eternal (pp. 1-73)

Hi Cool Cats!  Welcome to our new literary feast.  This time around we're enjoying Eternal by Cynthia Leitich Smith and it looks like this book is going to dish out some surprises.

Our thoughts on the first 73 pages are below.  If you get a chance to pick up this book, we'd love to read your thoughts.

Also, keep in mind that there are spoilers for the book below.

ETERNAL (1-73)

Shel:  Monica, I was entertained from page one.  I have to admit, I've never given guardian angels much though.  I guess I always thought if they existed, they only show up in emergencies.  But now, I have creepy crawly skin.  Is one watching me while I type this?  *glances around*  While I sleep?

Monica:  Oh my word, DITTO on the terrifying fears of guardian angels watching my every move.  I think it wouldn't have been so bad, if they didn't immediately pull out the whole, "that one blessed weekend" where "she spent a full day in bed buck naked."  Zachary, that is creepy as anything.  Not only is she your guardian angel charge, but you've known her literally since she was born!  You have watched her every moment of her life, from infancy to now!  That not just stalkerish, that's... well, I was about to say incesty, but I think that's too harsh a term.  Definitely stalkerish though.

Shel:  It is icky, Twilight falling-in-love-with-a-baby-let-me-watch-you-sleep-without-permission stalker level.  We need a flashing red stalker warning to go with our posts.

Shel: Let's go in a less creepy direction...how do you feel about the shifting point of views?

Monica:  I like it, although I have to tell you -- my OCD is not having an easy time coping with the fact that sometimes a character's point of view repeats (like, a Miranda chapter and then another Miranda chapter).  I sort of feel like if they were going to do a back-and-forth, it should... stay back and forth.  Know what I mean?

Shel: I completely understand.  As I was reading, I found a trouble point as well.  I wish the story would have hinted about vampires existing sooner.  I would have liked that touch of world building from page one.

Monica:  Oh definitely.  Shifters too -- although I don't know if they'll play a particularly big role in this book.

Shel: Okay, I'm starting to get True Blood/Southern Vampire Mystery series flashes.  Am I alone in this?

Monica:  Why sugarplum, I have no ideah what you're talking about!

Shel: Hmm, this story has taken a dark turn.  I'd expected Miranda to remain human much longer.  Since I was so certain of that expectation, the reality feels a little disappointing.

Monica:  I'm not going to lie -- this book has completely thrown me for a loop.  I was thinking the whole vampire (I mean, eternal) thing would be more... romanticized.  And instead, there she is, snapping waiters' necks against a wall so she can get a better angle on the vein, and waxing eloquent on the visual effects of dropping people into fountains of holy water.  Yick.

Shel:  I guess it's a good contrast to some of the other paranormal romances out there....

Monica:  So, is it just me, or is Father getting increasingly creepified?

Shel:  Way creepified!  Normally I'd want Miranda to stand up and kick vampy-ass right about now.  But as the case may be, I guess I'm going to have to hope the stalker guardian angel starts stalking again.

Well, we'll have to see where Eternal takes us on Wednesday.  Then we'll discuss pages 74-152.  Hope to see you then.

Literary Feast: Fat Cat (ch.21-43)

Friends! Romans! Countrymen! It's time for the second installment of Fat Cat, my current favorite book ever to include both dating and dieting and science geeks!

Shel and I will chat for a while -- but jump right in on the comments section, if you have thoughts of your own!

Ready? Onward!

Monica: I have decided, Shel, that we need to start cooking. The next time I come over, can we create a little living-room café with homemade menus and food with honey drizzled on it? Every description I read is making me drool like one of Pavlov’s dogs....

Shel: Let's do it! I'm all about it. I've already begun with the cooking. I tried roasted asparagus, from a recipe on a blog and it was delicious. Then, I kinda-sorta-accidentally tweeted about my experiment and Fat Cat author, Robin Brande, saw. So she recommended roasting cut-up potatoes in water with salt and pepper on top. We have to try that. ROBIN RECOMMENDS!

Monica: I would not trust your food choices as far as I could throw you, but if Robin recommends something, I'm all over it! Off to find potatoes!

Shel: Getting away from the food and turning to the exercise, I'm excited Cat swam butterfly. I liked her before, but now she's going to have to be my literary buddy. FLYERS are the toughest!

Monica: You are nuts. Cat is nuts. Butterfly is nuts. I am only able to swim breaststroke, and even then I’m one of those slow people who swims two inches and has to stop to push hair out of her face and take huge gulps of air.

Shel: We'll have to invest in a swim cap for you. Then at least you'll look hardcore. So, back to the book, what do you think of Greg? I am not a fan. Their date is so awkward. But I'm glad the author is exploring that relationship based on peer pressure and "hey, a guy actually likes me. Guess, I'll date him." I had one of those in high school.

Monica: Greg is so, so scummy. SO SCUMMY. How can anyone think Cat dating him is a good idea? During the “So, I hear you’re really smart, maybe you can do my homework, ha ha just kidding, but no, really, do my science assignment” I thought I was going to die of horror. I do definitely agree with the peer pressure relationship being accurately reflected, though. Nothing worse than thinking if you don’t date this guy, you may never date in high school, ever.

Shel: I'm also finding Cat's relationship with Amanda interesting. I feel like Amanda is both a source for support and pressure. And that she's taking on the role of Mom to Cat more than most friends would.

Monica: Amanda, if she were a robot, would be a walking talking example of Deus ex machina. Seriously, could anyone be more perfect? To be honest, though, I’m impressed with Cat. I’m too shallow to be able to have a friend who is pretty, smart, in the most wonderful relationship ever with someone who is also pretty and smart, *and* who is completely modest and unassuming. I’d want to beat her with a frying pan just to make myself feel better. And that, friends, is violence, and violence is never a good idea.

Shel: *Wipes brow* I'm so glad I'm not a perfect person. Otherwise, I'd have to fear you a little. (Monica: Psh -- you transcend my petty jealousy through your sheer awesomeness.) Seriously though. This book is making me feel guilty for wanting to eat my potato chips. I am a snack type person who can barely boil water. I can't live like Cat.

Monica: Not gonna lie – As I was reading the part about her making whole grain bread and whatnot… I was eating ramen. Oh, the shame! But it is so delicious and sodium-ish! Really, though, I do have to keep tamping down vegetarian desires. I know you’re one, Shel, and I obviously was one for more than a decade, and good Lord but this book is making me think I should become one again.

Then, of course, I come to my senses.

Bacon. Yum.

Shel: Monica, the facon is calling to you! Join team veggie! Mmmm, facon.

Shel: I don't understand why Cat doesn't get this. MATT LIKES YOU! Figure it out soon, kay?

Monica: Girl please. We have half a book left. If she figures it out too quickly, all my drama will be ruined! CAT! STAY OBLIVIOUS!! It’s much more conducive to the plot, after all.

That's all for today, friends -- we can't wait to hear your thoughts on this section, so post away! Next up will be chapters 44-65, which we'll be discussing on Friday. So in the meantime, enjoy the book, and practice your butter-free sugar-free guilt-free cooking!